I’ve been trying to find a way to describe the discomfort I feel.
Not to make you feel bad or sorry for me, but more for my own sake in making peace with the whole thing.
I thought if I could put it in words, maybe it’d be out of my mind.
But I learned that it’s very difficult to think while fighting the side effects of chemo.
Brain cells are also under attack, I guess.
I suppose I should find comfort in knowing that mine are still fast-growing.

Now imagine someone has lifted you off the ground with his hand on your throat.
The grip is not strong enough to snap your head off yet it’s enough to make you squirm like a worm.
Your heart’s pounding so loudly that all you hear is the sound of your own fear.
Your face burns and turns red while the rest of your body is damped by cold sweat.
Your airway narrows and your tongue protrudes.
Your stomach rumbles,
Your senses heighten.
Every thread in your muscles is tired and sore from holding you up,
and they soundly protest against overworking while you’re trying to sleep.
You’re tired but you can’t sleep.
You’re asleep but you get tired from being asleep.
Your body becomes this malfunctioning mess that gets way out of hand,
a sensory overload,
an orgy of discomfort.

So your mind takes over.
All the worries and concerns are sorted through,
All the ambitions and dreams get put aside.
All the energy is focused on one seemingly simple thought:
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out…….