Wednesday, 12.27.06

In the hospital

14:30

Finally a doctor came in to insert a needle into my catheter. She wasn’t who I had expected, and I had never seen her before. She was, nonetheless, wearing green scrubs with “OR” printed on the pocket on her chest. She looked young, and her voice and mannerism made her seem even younger. As you can imagine, I wasn’t sure if she’d be capable to do the job right. However, the printed “OR” was somewhat comforting and assuring.

She was placing all the instruments on my bed when the doctor who took the needle out at the end of my first chemo treatment came in the door. The doctor in green scrubs suddenly tensed up and said, “senbai.”

Culture Tip:

In most Asian countries, social hierarchy determines and directs behavior patterns between people. People who are lower in the hierarchy must show respect to the more superior by bowing and addressing the superior “senbai”.

I started panicking. “Oh no! She’s an intern.” Cold sweat seeped out of my entire body. I wiggled my toes to get the dampness away. I began to watch her like a hawk. She threw 5 cotton balls into a stainless bowl: 2 on the left, 3 on the right. Then she took a plastic bottle with a nozzle and squirted some clear liquid onto the 2 cotton balls on the left. After that, she took the lid off of a glass jar with dark brown liquid and poured it onto the rest of the cotton balls. I wondered if the two liquids mixed up in the bowl anyway. Everything went well and she looked competent…. so far.

She began to disinfect right below my left collar bone. She felt clumsy. The cotton balls bounced on my skin, and iodine was dripping across my shoulder. “Okay, that’s it! You guys are totally using me as a dummy for the rookie to practice on. What if she’s doing it wrong? Would I have to go through the same thing again if she did it wrong? Would the chemical run all over my body and end up killing me?” Before I could say anything, the needle was right in front of my eyes. I quickly grabbed the senbai’s hand and told her to give me a heads up when the rookie was about to stab me with it. Surprise brushed across her face at first, but then she smiled, took my hand, and told me to take a deep breath. “Here we go!” I thought as I closed my eyes.

I felt the sting as the needle went it; it hurt more than I remembered. I began to miss the male doctor who did it for me last time. He was confident, humorous, and quick. Where was he when I needed him? In the midst of the whirlpool of thoughts, I heard a small voice coming from my left, “I don’t know if it’s in…..” “WHAT?!” I gripped the senbai’s hand tight as if to tell her to DO SOMETHING! The senbai reciprocated the squeeze and led the rookie through a series of steps to check if it indeed went in.

S = senbai, R = rookie, Kate’s thoughts are presented in italic.

S: “Did you feel the pop?”
R: “I think so.”
K: “I think so is not good enough. Are you absolutely positively sure?”

The rookie continued to push the needle in. Ow~~~
S: “Don’t push it in too much. She’s skinny, so her porta is probably not that deep."
K: “Somebody do something! Knock her out or knock me out.”
S: “Okay. Why don’t you try to push some saline in? If it feels smooth, that means it’s in.”
R: (try pushing saline in) “I think it’s smooth, but…..”
K: “THAT’S IT!! Get me someone who doesn’t begin every sentence with ‘I think’. I want someone who knows. Uncertainty is not allowed right now.”
S: “Right. Now let’s try to draw some blood. Slowly retract the plunger and see if
anything comes out.”

I felt a tug.

R: “Mmm….. No…. Nothing is coming out.”
K: “Get her away from me. No, better yet, let me crush her head with my jaw bones."
S: “Maybe it’s stuck. Try pushing the needle in a bit more.”
Ow~~~~~
K: “How could you be so calm?! Why aren’t you pushing her out of the way and doing it
yourself? How can you be standing there with a smile holding my hand while this
inexperienced rookie toys with a catheter that, allow me to remind you, leads to my
HEART!”

(A moment of silence)

I finally couldn’t be quiet anymore. I asked the senbai: “So, can she draw anything out?”

S: “Yes. It’s working.”

R: “Yes. It’s red.”

K: “Well~~ dadidah! Of course it’s red. It’s blood! Didn’t they teach you that in med school?”