Freedom~~~~

Bill and I went back to North America during my last term break in June, and my fellow coordinators had to do the scheduling and subsequent substitution for two week into the term. Fortunately I had a chance to return the favor at the end of the summer term by substituting for them and putting in office hours to work on the schedule during the term break. Since I knew I was going to work during the break, I signed up for two short-term classes as well. What I didn't know was that the short term classes ran from 8am to 12pm. That's what I've been doing in the last two weeks: getting up at 6, teach for 4 hours, and work in the office for a few more hours in the afternoon.

It's all finished now. The classes are done, and the schedule is set. I'm officially on my break now, and the first thing i did was to reactivate my membership at the NTU sports center. CDN$30 a month with unlimited access to the pool and the weight room. Not too shabby if you ask me.

I think I purposely kept a hectic work schedule to avoid hearing the conversation I have with myself. We pretty much spent the last 3 months since we got back from North America going to numerous doctor appointments and undergoing various tests. Throughout the entire process, I've been struggling with the stress and pessimism brought on by the anticipation of various test results. I've had a few consequent emotional break-downs during which I sank straight into immense hopelessness. My medical history hangs over us like a dark storm cloud, and every less-than-perfect test result adds another layer to it. Bill and I try to take our minds off of it, but it hasn’t been easy for me.

Health wise, it looks like we’re in the clear. The results of the CT scan indicates that there is a pseudocyst on my left ovary blocking the passage to the fallopian tube. That pseudocyst may also be the reason for the recently elevated CA-125 values. However, statistically nothing indicates cancer recurrence, so Dr. Liu gave us copies of all the surgery and pathology reports for the fertility doctor to use as reference.

Even though we've talked to 3 fertility doctors (and acoording to Dr. Liu, they're the best 3 on the island), Bill and I have been working almost exclusively with Dr. Motormouth, the female doctor at Adventist Hospital. She is the most proactive and agressive, and she seems to be the only with a go-getter attitude toward our quest to having a child. Following her instructions, Bill and I have gathered a lot of data on my health conditions, and we've made a few life style changes so that we can be in our best shape when it comes time for the En-Vitro process.

I like Dr. Motormouth enough to keep going back to her, but I also made an appointment to go back to Dr. Legendary at NTU Hospital next Tuesday. Dr. Legendary is a living legend, and I’m curious to see what he says simply because of his reputation and expertise. However, so far Dr. Legendary has been put off by my elevated CA-125 value. He has tried, in different occasions, to convince me to have my left ovary removed and explore the possibility of egg donation. We're bringing the latest results and all the reports back to him on Tuesday. If he still has reservations about it, we’re definitely going with Dr. Motormouth.

I may have doubts and I may feel all hopes are gone from time to time, but it just doesn't feel right to throw in the towel without putting up a good fight first.

By the way, Macau pictures coming up soon. I'm still in the process of setting up the programs on my brand new computer (only 2 days old with all the plastic protection sheets still in place). I'll put up the pictures soon. Stay tuned.