Five Things I Will not Forget from the Trip

#1: A Canadian Passport Leads to More Fun Adventures.
7:25pm Kansai Airport

The customs officer took a look at my passport. Without moving a muscle on his face, he said coldly, "Canadian..... Open your bag." While I was opening my bright red Roots bag up, he put a laminated sheet of paper next to me and asked, "Anything forbidden in your bag?" -- he was pointing at a picture of marijuana. I seriously contemplated whether I should direct his attention to the occupation box on the customs declaration form. After all, teaching is a noble job in Japan, isn't it? Oh wait, since I wasn't sure what the general impressions of English teachers were, I thought I'd better keep my mouth shut.

The way he checked my bag was the same as if he was doing a quick inventory of my belongings. He didn't even open the small pockets. "Okay. Body search. Please go to the back." WHAT?!
While I stood there not knowing whether to cry or laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing, a female officer led me to behind some cheap OA dividers. She apologized and asked me to extend my arms. Then she gave me a thorough pat down, and I mean THOROUGH. Though blushing a bit, I was more curious to see how she did it. I mean, this (hopefully) is the one and only patting down I may ever get to experience in my life and I wanted to make the most of it! Her right hand brushed by my catheter and, like a hound dog, it went to a halt and returned to the bulge.

"Please take off (your shirt)." I felt a bit embarrassed 'cause I was all sweaty (and probably stinky) from having been on the road in the heat all day. "What happened?" she asked when she saw the bulge (I still find that a very interesting question). I answered truthfully. "Cancer?" she nearly screamed. The drama in her voice and body language was so stereotypically Japanese I had to bite my lower lip to stop myself from laughing out loud. However, her heavy accent made me wonder if she was saying "cancer" or "concert", so I thought it was best not to answer until I was absolutely sure. "Chemo." I said while gesturing the needle insertion. Her eyes nearly popped out. She took in a big breath of air and acknowledged, "Cancer." I nodded. She lowered her eye lids and let out a sympathetic sigh. "Please put back and sit," she pointed at the chair. She asked me to take my shoes off. Now I felt really sorry for her 'cause no one should be near my red sneakers at the end of a day. She picked up the right one, looked in, and put it down (I bet she was holding her breath). Then she picked up the left one, looked in and went, "EHHH?!?!?!?!"
"What's in it?" I asked plainly.
She looked up and smiled, "Joking."

I didn't get the joke.

#2: The Japanese are Punctual...and apologetic
8:45pm Airport Bus

They are ..... and they are!
All the buses and trains leave and depart on time in Japan. The bus from the airport to Kyoto station, however, didn't leave on time because of three elderly passengers. The bus was scheduled to leave Kansai Airport at 8:45, but at 8:45, the three elderlies were still running, well, trying to run, to the bus. When they finally got on the bus, each one of the three elderlies apologized to each row of passengers. At 8:47, the driver closed the door. Before he got into his seat, he too apologized to everyone on the bus for the delay and gave a 90 degree bow.

#3: The Japanese Can be Straightforward
On the Airport Bus

Did I hear it right? Someone just said, "Urusai ne. Chotto." (It's a bit noisy) to the lady who'd been nagging her husband since we got on the bus. I thought the Japanese were oppressed and they never expressed their opinions/emotions in public. Maybe I heard wrong.

Ah! I didn't hear wrong. The lady behind me just told the nagging wife off! No one looked directly at anybody, yet the scolding was accomplished. Obviously shame was brought on to the wife 'cause she shut up and stayed quiet the rest of the way.

Wow!

#4: Sorry I've Failed You, Ms. Leduc
The Department of Linguistics required all students to learn a foreign language, so I chose Japanese. That was 10 years ago. I'm not communicative but I have basic survival Japanese. I was excited about using some Japanese on this trip.

I was lost. I needed to find Gojo station. Language wise, it was a piece of cake, or so I thought. Though I was confident, I ran the sentence through in my head one more time before I approached the two bell boys in front of Hotel Keihan Kyoto. "Sumimasen. (they responded and came to my aid. That boosted my confidence) Gojo station wa ikura desu ka?" (Oooo... it felt good to be able to use Japanese again).

One of them simply burst out laughing while the other was visibly struggling to keep himself together. That wasn't the reaction I anticipated. I started doing a quick error analysis in my head but I couldn't identify the mistake. I felt compiled to join them for a laugh, so I asked, "What's so funny?"
"It's no for sale ne," one of them replied while his shoulders shook uncontrollably. Turned out, I had asked them how much Gojo station was.

It wasn't that funny if you ask me.

#5: Always be Prepared
It is official. Kyoto is my favorite place in Japan.

Though it was pouring rain out, I would've preferred to spend another day in Kyoto despite the rain. Instead, I had to head out to Osaka and a series of errors began.

On the night I arrived in Japan, I bought a 3-day Kansai Thru Pass. It gave me access to the trains and buses in the entire Kansai area except the JR (Japan Rail) lines. It was a wonderful money-saving pass to have. However, and it was my fault for not double checking, the girl who sold me the pass counted the day I arrived as one day (but I arrived at 8pm). This meant that I had to pay out of my own pocket for the most experience trip out of Kyoto. I wasn't impressed, and it was a bad start.

I didn't like Osaka at all. It was just another crowded modern city. Like Shinjuku station, Osaka station was a gigantic mouse trap. It took me almost an hour to find a travel information place for the directions to my hotel, which was more like a closet.

I arrived at the hotel at noon but check in was at 3, so I ventured out to Osaka Castle.... once again, paying my own way. At the ticket counter of the Castle, the lady asked if I had any kind of travel passes because I'd get a discount on the admission ticket. Well, I didn't get the discount 'cause my pass had already expired. I enjoyed the Castle and the views.

On the train ride to a famous shopping mall, it dawned on me that I was a bit short of cash (from paying for all the train tickets). I tried using my credit card an international ATM at the mall but my card got spat out several times. It was the only credit card I brought (what was I thinking?!) and there was a huge scratch on the stripe on the back. I had some Taiwanese dollars with me but I couldn't go to a bank to exchange money because it was a Sunday.... a bloody Sunday!
I had exactly 840 yen of cash in my pocket. I went into panic mode and started doing crazy calculations:
I would have to take the train to Namba station tomorrow morning to take the airport bus. It costs 200 yen to go to Namba and I wouldn't have enough cash to pay for the airport bus which costs 880 yen. I wouldn't be able to hit the bank tomorrow morning 'cause I had to head to the airport early in the morning. I need to get some cash today. I must get some cash today.

I tried every ATM on the way back to and near the hotel, but none would take my card. What added to the frustration was that it took half an hour for the front desk staff to understand what my problem was, at which point they cheerfully suggested that I try all the ATMs near the hotel. I asked if I'd be able to pay for the bus ticket with my credit card and the answer was, "Um.... maybe no." It took another 15 minutes to persuade them to call the bus company and ask for a definite answer and another 10 minutes to finally get the answer ('cause the girl had called the wrong numbers, twice).

"Yes, you can. But only at 6:30." she informed me.
"6:30 in the morning?"
"6:30 AM." What's the difference?
"You mean I could only pay with my credit card at 6:30 or after 6:30?" It didn't make sense to me that a bus company would make credit card payment available only at one time in a day.
"........." she obviously didn't think that would be a problem. "At 6:30 AM. They told me." she decided to blame it on the bus company people.
"Would you mind calling them again just to make sure?" I started to get annoyed at her incompetence.
"Um okay...." she tilted her head. "But they're closed now." What did you say 'Okay' for then?

So I spent my one night in Osaka paying Nintendo games in my tiny hotel room. I didn't have dinner 'cause I didn't want to spend any money. Who knows? With that big scratch on the stripe, my credit card might not work at the bus terminal. In which case, that would put me at 240 yen short of cash to buy a ticket. I was prepared to panhandle for spare change at the bus terminal. I couldn't fall asleep that night 'cause I was worried I might oversleep. I had to be at the bus terminal before 6:30, which meant I had to get up at 5:30.

Luckily, my credit card worked and I had the entire row to myself on the plane. I slept my way back to Taipei....... with my mouth open.