The Autobiography of a Kitty Cat

My name is Nuage, and I’m 1 year, 7 months, and 9 days old. I think my name means “clouds”, but I can’t be 100% certain ‘cause I don’t speak much Human. I know I have to pretend to stop what I’m doing and look surprised when mom makes the NO sound. When I need to find mommy, I make the sound “ma-ma” 'cause she seems to respond well to it. Mommy calls me Nuenue or Nuester. However, sometimes when she’s mad at me, she reduces my name down to Nue! My mommy is my favorite person in the whole wide world. I love her so much that I follow her everywhere, and I mean EVERYwhere. I always sit on her lap when she’s in the bathroom ‘cause I believe she could use some companionship in there. Mom and I live with a male named Bill. I didn’t like Bill when we first met, so I peed all over his stuff. However, I’ve grown to be quite fond of him actually. Though he always says something about my hair and looks annoyed, he lets me sit on top of his printer to watch him work anyway.

Mom sometimes takes me to this other place where this American Shorthair named Mocha lives. I’ve heard something about Mocha’s mom being my mom’s mom or my mom’s mom being Mocha’s mom. Anyway, I don’t know or care what kind of “relation” that puts Mocha and me in. All I know is that Mocha is obsessed with the number of hair balls us long-haired cats cough up a day, and he wouldn’t leave me alone unless I give him an answer. You might have gathered that I’m not a big fan of Mocha. I mean, what kind of a cat enjoys being named after a beverage anyhow? I’m sure all the Toms and Sams in the neighborhood would agree with me on this, too. What? You’re saying my name is not particularly masculine or feline either? Well, your ignorance is pardoned. After all, my name is French, and that alone beats some chocolaty coffee drink with fluffy whipped cream on top.

Okay, enough about the shorthair. Let’s focus on ME. As you can tell, I’m a very loving cat. Just like I follow mom into the bathroom, I do my business in the litter box while Bill does his on the toilet as well. It’s kind of our male bonding time. I’m laid-back, literally. I love lying on my back with my belly exposed toward the ceiling on the floor in the middle of the room. Oh, on a hot day, I also like stretching out all fours like a carpet so that my tummy is against the cool tiled floor. I guess I’m playful. I don’t like playing with people so much as watching people play with me. They make funny noises and silly faces when they play with me, and I find that very entertaining. Most importantly, I’m hygienic and neat. I love the smell of clean human feet fresh out of the shower. I always want to put them in my mouth. I don’t mind it when mommy gives me a bath. The blow-drying part is the best because I get to have mom’s undivided attention all to myself and I like the way my hair moves in the warm air. A friend of mom’s once put my name and what sounds like “Foo Foo” in the same sentence when she heard about my liking the shower. I think she might have gotten herself in trouble ‘cause mommy told her NO!

All this talking is making me thirsty. I think I’m gonna dip my paws in the water thingy. What do you mean that’s weird? And yes, FYI, that's how I drink water. Oh, give me a break, will ya?! Have you ever tried burying your face in water? My way is definitely much more sophisticated than getting the fur around your mouth all wet.