11.30.06 The Night Before my First Chemo Therapy

I'm sleeping on my right with the palm of my right hand pressing against my temple.
I can hear my heart beats ringing in my ear. Thomp-Thomp. Thomp-Thomp. Thomp-Thomp.
It sounds as if there is a small army marching inside my head.
My body's tired but I'm wide awake.
I want to sleep, but I'm afraid of what comes tomorrow.

They're going to put a needle into the device on my shoulder.
Just like how they put a needle in the vein on the back of my hand.
The difference, which is a gigantic one, is that this needle will be the gateway to my heart.
Apparently chemo is just like an IV drip. They inject chemicals into my heart, which then pumps it right out to the entire body.

They're going to inject carboplatin into my heart, the most vulnerable part of my body.
How can they expect me to be calm?