Thursday, 11.23.06

Exactly one week after I first checked into the hospital, I'm going back to the Operating Room for a second surgery.
I was lucky that Dawn came to hang out with me all evening yesterday to keep my mind off of this cardiovascular surgery. People from work came in 3,4 different cabs after 9pm to check up on me. It was wonderful to have the support. I felt like I have my personal cheerleading squad.
I'm the surgeon's first operation today. That's good 'cause I don't have to spend the entire day anticipating.

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They came to get me shortly after 8am. One would think the second trip to the OR would be easier, but it wasn't. I was more nervous and anxious. I don't remember how long I waited in the waiting area. It felt unusually long. In the meantime, my imagination went wild. I wondered if anything happened to the surgeon. Maybe he went out partying and got smashed the night before and he was driving through every red light on his way to the hospital. Maybe they found something new between the last time I saw my doctor and now, and I don't have to have this surgery after all. I felt this chill spreading through my body from the inside out, existing from my finger and toe tips. I took a deep breath, calming my mind by thinking about the way Nuages sleeps. Pretty soon, a lady came to ask me some questions. Then they wheeled me into the OR.

In the OR, music was playing and lots of people were talking. They were talking about breakfast actually. Kind of sick if you ask me. The anasthesiologist came to ask if the IV hurt my hand, and I replied that it had been bothering me since it was put in last night. I endured a few painful tugs on the back of my hand from her experiments, and she determined that we might have to "fix" the needle inside. She took the tapes off and pulled the needle out just a bit, and it made a huge difference. When she massaged the back of my hand, it felt so good that I actually smiled.
She then injected a bit of anesthesia in and I began to get dizzy and weak. The last thing I remembered was my surgeon by my side. I wanted to ask him if he was alright this morning, but someone asked if he wanted to say anything to me. My surgeon looked me in the eye and said, "Don't worry. I'm here." and I went to sleep.

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I heard someone calling my name.
I felt the wind.
I opened my eyes and saw a short nurse walking beside me.
"Time to wake up." she said.

Someone's calling my name.
My bed is rolling over a bump.
I opened my eyes and saw the same short nurse walking beside me.
She smiled.
"Good. You're waking up." she said.

"Chang Hsing-hua's family please come to the door."
Someone's making the announcement.
Mom's gonna see me in a few minutes.
I gotta open my eyes.
But I just wanna sleep.
Gotta wake up, Kate.
But I just wanna sleep.
Show mom that you're okay.
Wake up, and stay awake, Kate.
"I'm hungry." I said the moment I saw my mother.