Monday, November 13, 2006

My eyes are closed but I'm awake
My mind is trapped somewhere between the dreams and the reality
I know what every sound is
I feel his every turn
I count the number of times my cat jumps in bed to check on us
I'm anxious
I'm relaxed
I'm nervous
I'm sleepy

I feel the right side of my tummy throbbing
I tell myself to stop it
I see that I'm getting fatter
when I think I should be getting thinner
"counterintuitive" was the word I taught in class yesterday
I try to get on the Internet
I feel the urge to write
It doesn't work
Late at night in the dark
The Internet fails to work
My mind's buzzing and my body's tired
I can feel my pulse in my left temple
That's a headache I'll have for the rest of the day
Great

I think about surgery
Mom had one
Dawn had one
Carol had one
Who else
"Robotic Surgeons" was the article I taught tonight
incision, insertion, internal organs, infection
Endoscope
wound
recovery
I taught the kids how to use context clues to figure out the meanings of unfamiliar words
I wonder if they learnt something

Right! Surgery
I'm scared shitless and I'm prepared
I'm curious and I'm knowledgeable
I'm green and I'm experienced
I wonder if being put under will be the closest experience to dying
I wonder what will happen if I never wake up

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