Attention Dear Neighbors
Taipei City is divided into twelve districts, and each district is further divided into numerous neighborhoods. In each neighborhood, there’s an elected “neighborhood elder” who settles disputes and family affairs. Residents in some neighborhoods may live in the neighborhood their whole life without ever knowing who their neighborhood elder is. We, residents in the Lizhong neighborhood, hear from our elder all the time.
Though I’ve never met him in person, I know our neighborhood elder is a very sociable person. There are always people with a buzz cut and dressed in black hanging around his office. Though their appearance shares striking similarities with Taiwanese gangsters, I still take comfort in knowing that, though seedy-looking, these people are around in the laneway even when you come home late at night. Our neighborhood elder is also frugal. He doesn't let anything go to waste. Along with the surveillance cameras, there are loud speakers installed at every intersection and our neighborhood elder takes full advantage of them. He keeps the residents informed at all time. He makes announcements about everything -- from the collection of large furniture items, changes to garbage collection times during Chinese New Year, the arrival of blood donation vans, to karaoke parties at the community center. In addition, he’s very considerate and detail-oriented. There’s a little jingle in the beginning and at the end of every announcement so you will never mistaken his announcements with something else (say, a prank announcement about China attacking Taiwan). The downfall of the jingles is that at times it does make some of us feel as if we lived in a giant department store. Finally, our neighborhood elder has a linguistic talent and he fully utilizes it. Each announcement is broadcast 3 times – once in Mandarin, then in Taiwanese, the last one is a mixture of Mandarin and Taiwanese.
I arrived home around 5pm this evening and was taking my contact lenses out when I heard the little jingle. I dropped the one contact lens I had taken out in the pool of solution and hurried to the windows. His voice sounded firm and serious:
Attention dear neighbors,
There was a fire from gas leak at #34-4, lane 459 just now. Don't worry! It has been put out. Will the residents in #34-2, 34-3, 34-4, and 34-5 in lane 459 please turn off the gas gauge in your home until further notice from the gas company. I repeat. Turn off the gas gauge in your home until you hear from the gas company. There has been a fire due to gas leak but it’s been put out. Please turn off the gas until you receive notice from the gas company.
As usual, the announcement was done three times.
Relieved from knowing that it wasn't our apartment building, I started heading back to the bathroom when the jingle started again. With semi-blurry vision, I stumbled back to the windows:
Attention dear neighbors,
This is a second announcement from your neighborhood elder. Will the owner of a dark blue Honda Civic, license plate number 845JC, please remove your car from the entrance of the elder’s office? You’re blocking the entrance of the neighborhood elder's office and your car is going to be towed. (brief silence) Your car is going to be towed if you don’t remove it right away because you're also parked on a red line. (brief silence) Thank you.
Now everyone in the neighborhood knows never to park in front of the neighborhood elder's office. Also, don't park on a red line, especially when it happens to be in front of the neighborhood elder's office.
The second announcement was only done once.
